i don't know what to do with my hands

3 min read 15-04-2025

Do you ever feel awkward or uncomfortable, unsure of what to do with your hands? Many people experience this feeling, especially in social situations or during presentations. This article explores the reasons behind this common problem and provides practical tips and techniques to help you feel more confident and natural in your body language. Understanding what to do with your hands can significantly improve your overall communication and self-assurance.

Why the "Wandering Hands" Problem?

The discomfort of not knowing what to do with your hands often stems from a combination of factors:

Anxiety and Nervousness: When we're anxious, our bodies often exhibit telltale signs of stress. Fidgeting, hand-wringing, and other nervous movements are common. This is your body's natural stress response.
Lack of Awareness: Many people simply aren't consciously aware of their body language. They haven't practiced mindful body posture and hand gestures.
Social Conditioning: Society often places unspoken expectations on how we should behave. We might feel pressure to project a specific image, leading to unnatural stiffness or awkward movements.
Perfectionism: Striving for perfection can lead to self-consciousness and increased awareness of even minor body language quirks. This heightened self-awareness can exacerbate the feeling of awkwardness.
Insecurity: Feeling unsure of yourself can manifest physically, leading to fidgeting or hiding your hands. This is a common defense mechanism when feeling vulnerable.

What To Do With Your Hands: Practical Tips & Techniques

Fortunately, there are many things you can do to overcome this common challenge:

1. Find a Natural Position

Instead of focusing on avoiding certain hand movements, think about finding comfortable and natural positions:

Loosely by your sides: This is often the most relaxed and unassuming position.
Gently clasped in front of you: This is a more composed position, suitable for formal settings.
Using natural gestures: Let your hands move naturally as you speak or listen. Avoid overly exaggerated movements, but don't restrict yourself either.

2. Practice Mindful Body Awareness

Paying attention to your body and its movements can significantly reduce anxiety.

Body scans: Take a few moments to notice your posture and the position of your hands. Relax any tension you feel.
Mindful movement: Experiment with different hand positions and gestures, noticing how they feel. Find what feels comfortable and natural to you.

3. Engage in Activities

Keep your hands busy with activities that feel comfortable:

Holding an object: A pen, coffee cup, or small notepad can give your hands something to do.
Using hand gestures: Incorporate natural hand gestures into your conversations.
Tapping a pen: This can help manage nervous energy, but avoid doing this excessively.

4. Mastering the Art of Gestures

Hand gestures can enhance communication, but practice is key:

Open and welcoming: Use open palms and relaxed gestures to convey openness and approachability.
Emphasize points: Use hand gestures to emphasize key points in your conversations.
Mirror the other person: Subtly mirroring someone's body language can build rapport, but don't overdo it.

5. Focus on the Conversation

Shift your attention from your hands to the conversation itself. Engaging fully with the other person will naturally reduce your focus on your body language. Genuine interest in the conversation will reduce your self-consciousness.

Addressing Specific Situations

Different situations require different approaches:

Public Speaking or Presentations:

Use visual aids: This gives your hands something to interact with, reducing the need to fidget.
Practice your speech: Rehearsing will boost your confidence and reduce nervousness, improving your overall body language.
Engage with the audience: Make eye contact and address individuals in the audience. This will shift your focus from your hands.

Social Gatherings:

Hold a drink: A drink can provide a relaxed place for your hands.
Engage in activities: Participate in games or conversations to distract from your self-consciousness.
Be present: Engage with people genuinely, allowing natural body language to emerge.

Overcoming the Fear: A Journey to Confidence

Remember, feeling unsure of what to do with your hands is a common experience. With practice and self-awareness, you can develop a more natural and confident body language. The key is to focus on being present, engaging with others, and allowing your body language to reflect your genuine self. Don't let the worry about your hands overshadow your ability to connect with others. It's a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress along the way.